Early Morning Tale

Good morning....well, it's morning anyway!

It's 4:08am in the stinking morning and I'm up with, who else? You guessed it, my littlest child! I told you he had his nights and days mixed up totally. With Christmas vacation and such, we didn't enforce any set bedtime, and look at the results! Of course, ever since little guy was born, he hasn't slept much....he just is too busy to bother with a little thing called SLEEP!
Meanwhile, Mom and Dad are suffering the consequences!

So, here I sit, with a very awake 2yr old in my lap and a clock that is telling me I only have 2 more hours until I have to get ready for school. I can feel it's going to be a loooooong day.

Hubby is sleeping on the couch, which is not unusual due to his sleep apnea. He stayed up with the little guy after I went to bed at 11pm. I didn't shut the light off until 12am because I'm reading a motivational book.

I'm hoping to gain some insight into making changes that will bring growth and security to our lives. I've been thinking about the way we have been living our lives. I have always said it's more out of "survival" mode than "security" mode and I know that has to change. Everytime something of an upset comes along...we get out the proverbial "bandaid" and try to patch it up just enough to 'get by.' Well, like any type of deep wound, a bandaid just won't do. Sure, it will slow down what you see of the blood, but it doesn't stop the wound from bleeding. We have got to attack the source of our pain and begin working on the cause of the recurring wound, and not the topical quick fix.
Does this make sense to you? It does to me. Now, just HOW to do this is where the hard part comes. Of course we would change if we knew exactly how or what we are doing, but alas it is most difficult to see these things from the inside looking out. I do know, however, that inaction and procrastination are our biggest enemies at this time. By not taking those first steps and risking the chance of getting wet, we are never going to get out of the rain!!
I do know that if we avoid doing what we KNOW will bring us health and stability, we are responsible for our ills and sickness. At what point do we stop blaming our circumstance and start taking control of our lives again? Where is the line? When do we begin to face the music and allow God to sort out the details? I say that time is NOW!!!
I have a strong desire to be able to provide a good home and comfortable means for our family. I'm tired of living in a small 3 bdrm apartment and making excuses why I don't have anything for my kids to take to school for lunch.
I fear my children won't know how to handle money when they have it, since I am not setting a good example.
I know when I get out of nursing school I will be able to provide better for my family, but until then, I wonder how I'll get through on a daily basis. Just having enough gas to get to my school and back is a challenge for us right now.
Having just the basic emenities is proving to be quite a struggle.
I want to get a job, but if I don't make enough at a job, it won't be worth me losing the assistance from the state only to have less money per month and working twice as much away from my family.
I want/need to get my certification for nursing assistant so I can get hired at the place that I want to work. Unfortunately, I don't have the $100 necessary to even sign up to take the state certification exam!

Ok, time to take a breather from all this whining.....sigh. There, better.

So, tomorrow always comes, therefore we must trod ahead only looking back when it is absolutely necessary for moving forward.
I know God is watching over us and has a plan.
I know that the cure to our wounds is close at hand, if we just begin to attend to the source of our pain.
No more bandaids, no quick fixes....no magical overnight pills....only hard work, dedication, and consistency.

I think that shall do for now!

Ta ta!
Dove